Jaguar XF-R (Copy Nothing!)

A comfy three-piece suite attached to a ballistic missile.

This supercharged 5.0 V8 Jaguar XF-R is an understated rocket ship that sounds like rolling thunder and handles exceptionally well considering its size and level of refinement.

I’ve owned this car since December 2022 and don’t really want to get rid of her, but I’m barely doing any miles now. So, she’s wasted as a supermarket shopping car. She’s in excellent condition and runs perfectly.

With over 500BHP and 625Nm of torque, you can quickly exceed any posted speed limit with minimal effort. This facelifted XF-R also benefits from the 8-speed ZF gearbox, which is still used in the current Jaguar line-up (earlier cars had the older 6-spd version). If you add a tow bar, you’ll have an 1,850kg towing capacity and easily enough grunt to pull five times this weight.

20″ upgraded factory alloy wheels hide a significant braking force that, coupled with active damping and adaptive dynamics, will help keep you out of trouble if you get too carried away. Unstressed, this beast will cruise at 70 mph in top gear barely above idle and will return 33+mpg if that’s what floats your boat.

The exceptionally comfortable front seats with 16-way memory adjustment are heated and air-cooled. An upgraded Meridian 7.1 surround system with Dolby Digital and a DVD player has Bluetooth, USB and a working Sat Nav built-in. This car also has factory carbon-fibre dashboard inserts, which probably don’t make a significant difference to the weight or performance of the car, but look cool!

Positives:

• • 1. Genuine low mileage (currently just over 71k) confirmed by MOTs and a full service history
    2. ULEZ Compliant (I couldn’t believe it either!)
    3. Soft-close boot
    4. Heated and cooled, 16-way electrically adjustable front seats
    5. Sweet 20″ alloys
    6. Sounds awesome
    7. USB, Bluetooth, Sat Nav
    8. 8sp ZF Gearbox that was serviced last year
    9. All brakes and front suspension arms replaced last year
    10. Factory carbon fibre dashboard inlays for pure race car aesthetic

Negatives:

• • 1. Rear tyres are legal, but they will need replacing in 1000 miles
    2. The boot lid struts don’t lift it up anymore, but they do enough that minimal effort is required to lift it
    3. The passenger side door handle takes slightly more effort than it should to pull open
    4. One wheel has a slight kerb scuff
    5. If you use the loud pedal too much, you will spend lots of money on tyres and petrol

U2U me if you’re interested. Please don’t take Jaguar’s current “direction” into consideration, this is a f***ing good car.

Reg is BD14 KYO